I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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