Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
