People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
