I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
