hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
