I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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