whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
