I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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