I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
