Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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