he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
