chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
