I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it's like iHOP with fire
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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