Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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