hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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