I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
