Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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