i jhust puked up my retainher.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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