So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
