JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
