I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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