I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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