2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
