My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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