Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
