doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
