I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
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