If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
