My hand turned me down
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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