TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
