Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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