While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
