I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
