i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
