you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
