i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
