Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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