No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We named our party play list daddy issues
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
