I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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