Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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