she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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