Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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