how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The air was thick with penises
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
