yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
