If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Randomize
