I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
