I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
