ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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