The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
