I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
