True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
