im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
