careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Randomize
