Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
