Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
