I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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