Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
